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The World Without "US"

By Michael Salsbury on December 4, 2008 10:21 PM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

I admit that I'm one of the millions of Americans who doesn't know much about, think much about, or really care much about international politics. I don't often watch the news, and rarely enjoy it when I do. Nevertheless, I saw this movie as an inexpensive download from Amazon.com for my TiVo and decided to give it a look.

While the story it tells leans to the right politically, I think it does a compelling job of explaining both points of view and gives some justification as to why we have a military presence in these places. It has little to do with oil and more with promoting freedom and stability in those foreign governments. I found it interesting and educational. It's clear from the comments on Amazon.com that there are other ways to look at this film and I intend to keep an open mind when I hear those arguments as well.

If you have an open mind, or think you do, it's worth taking a look at this film if you get the chance.

The World Without US - With Niall Ferguson

Review: The Love Guru starring Mike Myers

By Michael Salsbury on July 21, 2008 1:01 PM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

Those of you who can remember back to the days when Mike Myers was a regular on Saturday Night Live may remember him as I do, which is that his skits were either very funny or completely NOT funny. While I've found that opinions are mixed on whether his "Austin Powers" movies are funny or not, I enjoyed them and found them to be pretty funny on balance. I can't say the same for The Love Guru. It's really not funny at all.

Austin Powers used a lot of sophomoric humor that, while a little tired by the third movie, seemed to work. The same type of humor is used in The Love Guru, but it just doesn't work. For example, the joke in Austin Powers about him being "in a nutshell" is corny, but in the context of the movie it works. A similar joke in The Love Guru, where a dessert involving nuts placed inside a piece of pastry are described as "nuts in a sling" falls flat. It doesn't fit the situation in which it's used, and comes across as the writers stretching too far to make a joke.

Similarly, the character of Guru Pitka is inconsistent as well. After telling the hockey star he's supposedly helping that it's important for him not to fight anyone on the ice for any reason, a few minutes later he's giving exactly the opposite advice for no obvious reason. In fact, what I know of gurus tells me that in general they're against violence. For some reason, Guru Pitka starts bar fights, hockey ice fights, etc.

My guess is that someone gave Myers too much control over this film, and he delivered one of those performances that on SNL would have been the "not funny at all" variety.

If you liked Austin Powers, I think you'll be disappointed by this film.

Review: Get Smart

By Michael Salsbury on July 18, 2008 4:49 PM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

I really enjoy the original "Get Smart" television series, and it's no wonder. There were some amazing acting and writing talents behind the episodes of that show. As Maxwell Smart, Don Adams played a perfect bumbling blowhard who somehow manages to save the day for CONTROL and defeat the agents of CHAOS. I'm not saying it was the ideal sitcom, but it was definitely funny and enjoyable to watch. I can't say that for the new "Get Smart" movie starring Steve Carrell. I'd like to, because Carrell's a nice guy and can be really funny, but I just can't.

I think the reason this movie fails is that it takes the elements that key to the television series and throws them out the window. For example, the "television" Smart might bend down to tie his shoe, causing an enemy agent to trip over Smart and fall off a cliff. The "movie" Smart in one scene uses a fire extinguisher to blind his victims and hits one in the head with the device. The "bumbling oaf" has become a clever and resourceful spy in the film. Unfortunately, this "reasonably poised, reasonably confident, capable agent" can't deliver the classic Maxwell Smart lines the same way, and when he tries, the result isn't humorous.

If you're thinking about plunking down some cash to see this movie, my advice is to save your money and go buy DVDs of the television series. Even at its worst, it was funnier than the movie.

Review: Destination Moon

By Michael Salsbury on June 3, 2007 8:53 PM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

Recently, I rented "Destination Moon" from Netflix. Today I finally had the opportunity to watch the movie in its entirety. I have to say, given that it was produced decades before we actually set foot on the moon, it's an amazing film. Most of the critical issues of early space travel, such as intense calculations, weight and safety considerations, weightlessness, spacewalks, gravity variations, and more are all considered. The movie gets many of the little details right, such as the fact that it takes seconds for a radio signal to reach Earth from the Moon. Even its prediction of the appearance of the lunar surface isn't far off from reality.

The basic story of the film is that a military general comes to the conclusion that the moon could be used as a base of operations from which to launch missiles (presumably nuclear) at the Earth. On this premise, he convinces several leaders of "American Industry" to band together to solve the problems of space travel in record time. In a somewhat realistic depiction of our government in action, the pioneers are told that they can't test their rocket, which is based on nuclear technology, because of the public's fear of radiation. Never mind that the rocket's location is in the middle of the desert. Never mind that those in charge of the project made sure no one was living within a distance that radiation could reach them. No, the government bows to pressure from protesters and denies permission to test the rocket. Faced with a crippling delay that could bankrupt them, the team decides to launch the rocket untested, before the government can outlaw the launch. Just as they're making final preparations, some bureaucrat shows up with a court order to stop the launch. However, warned that he's coming, the project team rushes to the launch pad and takes off in the rocket.

Without spoiling too much of the movie, I can tell you that they do make it to the moon. However, in getting there, they find themselves in trouble. They had to use too much fuel to land. Now they can't escape the moon's pull. They have to find a way to get rid of tons of weight.

Video quality on this DVD release is decent for a 1950s film. The sound is also quite reasonable for films of the time. Also, as we would expect from a 1950's sci-fi flick, the music is at times overpowering. For that matter, some of the acting is a bit over the top too. All in all, though it's a decent film and scientifically probably very accurate.

One amusing "treat" in the film is a short animated sequence featuring Woody Woodpecker. Woody's job is to explain to the stodgy industrialists how the flight to the moon and back would work. It's a cute cartoon and I expect it was created specifically for the film.

Perhaps the main reason the film does an excellent job of depicting the issues related to a moon trip is that Robert Heinlein (of Starship Troopers fame) helped to write the script, based on a story he had written previously. This makes the film far more intellectually interesting than much of today's "science-fiction" coming from Hollywood, where it's more important to pack in lots of celebrities, explosions, and love interests than to make a film that's even slightly realistic and believable.

I'd say this is probably the best 1950's era science-fiction film I've ever seen. It provides drama, emotion, and inspiration without taking the story line off track to tell love stories, show fantastic special effects (though there are special effects where needed), or blow things up.

Definitely worth renting or watching if you get the chance.

Review: "Firewall" Starring Harrison Ford

By Michael Salsbury on June 12, 2006 7:00 AM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

I watched the Harrison Ford vehicle "Firewall" recently. In general, I think Harrison Ford does a good job of choosing roles that suit his appearance, acting style, and presence. Firewall is no exception. He plays the part of a computer security expert whose family is taken hostage in exchange for him helping a group of crooks steal millions of dollars. Ford plays the part similarly to his role in "The Fugitive" and does it convincingly.

On the whole, this a decent and entertaining film. Where the film falls down, however, is in its depiction of technical information. For example, even though Ford's character has been suspected of doing something highly illegal, he's still able to login to the bank's computer systems from a remote terminal at an airport. In the real world, that account would have been locked down within seconds of the suspicion.

Even ignoring that, his "clever" solution for capturing account numbers off a computer screen is insanely stupid. It's claimed that by removing the scanning element from his home fax machine and connecting it to his daughter's iPod, he can create a device that will scan account numbers off a computer screen and store them as digital image files. Yeah, right. First, the scanner element alone will only create an image in conjunction with the right interface hardware, which an iPod doesn't have. Second, even if the iPod had that hardware, it doesn't have scanner software built into it to interpret the signals coming from the fax machine's scanner. This means Harrison Ford's character would have had to design in mere hours a custom hardware and software setup to enable the capture and storage of lots of bank account numbers. Not gonna happen. If he had that kind of skill, he wouldn't be working in computer security - he'd be out there designing and building electronic hardware.

Continue reading Review: "Firewall" Starring Harrison Ford.

Review: "X-Men: The Last Stand"

By Michael Salsbury on June 12, 2006 6:40 AM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

The first X-Men movie was decent. I had a hard time believing that Hollywood could pull off a convincing X-Men movie, but I was wrong. They did. The second movie was less interesting. This, the third installment, is slightly better than the second movie but less interesting than the first.

The basic gist of the plot of "X-Men: The Last Stand" is that the tension between normal humans and mutants have grown considerably. The humans have discovered a mutant whose only power is that he reverses the mutations of other mutants. Using his DNA, the humans are able to create a "cure" for the genetic problems that cause mutants to have their unusual abilities. While humans openly claim that this "cure" will be entirely voluntary, some have secretly created weapons that will fire darts with the cure in them. When Magneto learns this, he decides that it's time for the mutants to begin their war against "homo sapiens" (normal humans). He enlists the aid of all the mutants he can to his cause. Their first goal is to find the boy who is the source of the "cure" and eliminate him so that he is no longer a threat to them.

Along the way, we learn that Jean Grey isn't dead. However, she's apparently losing her mind. She gives in to her "dark side" and joins Magneto in his quest to rid the world of normal humans. Since she's by far the strongest mutant on Earth, she becomes his most valuable ally.

Continue reading Review: "X-Men: The Last Stand".

Review: Pixar's "Cars" Movie

By Michael Salsbury on June 12, 2006 6:22 AM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

Not long ago, I read reviews of another animated film that complained about the fact that Hollywood actors' voices were used "as is" as the voices of the animated characters. The writer said that there are many good voice actors out there who aren't getting work because Hollywood has decided that it's somehow better to have "real actors" voicing animated characters than to have voice actors like Billy West doing it. At the time, I didn't think much of it. Now I understand. I've seen "Cars", the latest from Pixar.

Continue reading Review: Pixar's "Cars" Movie.

User Friendly's Take on Star Trek News

By Michael Salsbury on April 23, 2006 8:58 PM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

I'm a big fan of the User Friendly comic strip. While it's a bit geeky for most folks, it usually manages to give me a good chuckle several times a week. This Sunday's strip is no different:

I've been saying for YEARS to anyone who would listen that Rick Berman is the whole problem with Star Trek since Gene Roddenberry died. I've heard him interviewed, publicly saying that Gene's vision of a future when mankind would evolve past greed, racism, and the like is a lame idea. He may be right. We may not evolve beyond those things. But we'd like to THINK that we will. We'd like to see how much better life could be if we weren't petty, back-stabbig, scheming little monsters. That's what Star Trek showed us... a future where the human race has gotten its collective act together and is helping others do the same. It's what Star Trek hasn't been since Gene passed on.

Review: Rodan (1950)

By Michael Salsbury on January 24, 2006 8:30 PM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

When I was younger, it was commonplace for local television stations to air old monster movies on Saturday nights. On a given Saturday night, you might catch Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, Vincent Price, or any number of other famous actors. You might also catch a Japanese monster movie, like Godzilla. Somehow, I don't think I ever caught Rodan until now.

Rodan is a "cautionary tale" that attempts to warn the world what will happen if we continue to create and test more devastating nuclear weapons.

Continue reading Review: Rodan (1950).

Cool Animated Movies You May Not Have Seen

By Michael Salsbury on January 2, 2006 8:46 PM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

Welcome to my "top 10 list of cool animated movies you may not have seen". For the record, I'm not an "anime" fan. The superfluous use of shadows, the "big eyes, small mouths" art style, strange movie titles, bizarre story lines, etc., in anime simply turn me off more than the clever animation techniques draw me in. As a result, you'll not see much here that an anime fan would appreciate (I'm guessing). Still, I think these are all amusing films that you should have a look at if you get the chance (and since most of them are a bit obscure, you can pick them up for about as much as it would cost to rent them at your local Blockbuster Video):

1		The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad I'm fond of this disc for one reason, the very maniacal expressions on Mr. Toad's face as he drives his motorcar around like a madman. I don't know that I've even watched the Ichabod part since I was a kid. Another reason I'm fond of the Mr. Toad cartoon is that it's the basis for my favorite ride at Disneyland in California (and formerly in Disney World in Florida). Family friendly fare here, in case you're wondering.
2		The Adventures of Wallace and Gromit This "claymation" creation is another personal favorite. The lovable dimwit inventor Wallace and his steadfast canine companion Gromit visit the moon for some cheese, do some window washing, and even get into trouble with "techno-trousers". This is also very family friendly stuff.
3		The Itsy Bitsy Spider short film on the Bebe's Kids disc The Bebe's Kids movie was cute but in my opinion nothing special. Its companion on the disc and VHS, however, is awesome. Jim Carrey voices a Rambo-like exterminator out to rid a piano teacher's house of a troublesome arachnid. In the end, it's the exterminator and the house which are eliminated. In between, it's lots of laughs. You'll wish it was the 2-hour movie instead of Bebe's Kids. I enjoyed it enough that I bought this disc for the short feature alone. That should tell you something. The voice acting, animation, and writing are all dead-on perfect here.
4		Cool World Not strictly an animated film, this one contains live-action performances by Brad Pitt, Kim Basinger, and others alongside animated characters by Ralph Bakshi. The gist of the story is that there are two realities in the universe, one where cartoons ("doodles") live a life of their own, and another in which we "noids" (humanoids?) live. Residents of the worlds generally don't cross between them, and there are serious consequences when they do because both realities are jeopardized. The biggest crime is for a "noid" and a "doodle" to engage in physical relations, because it upsets the balance of realities and makes the "doodle" become "real". As you can imagine, this happens and things go crazy in both worlds. While watching this "non-family-friendly" film, pay attention to all the silly cartoon characters in the background. Sometimes they're more interesting than the main characters!
5		Fritz the Cat The first animated feature ever to get an "X" rating from the motion picture rating authority, Fritz the Cat is the tale of a young feline who indulges in drugs, alcohol, sex, violence, and about every other sin or vice you can imagine. It got its X rating from the rather graphic nature of some of the scenes in the film, though today it would probably get an "R". This is another Ralph Bakshi film. It suffers at times from going into psychedelic rants about the establishment, society, etc., but offers some genuine laughs and pokes fun at just about everything. And yes, in case you haven't guessed, it's NOT family friendly at all, unless you've got one REALLY liberal household.
6		Heavy Metal This is a series of loosely related stories about the evil "Lochnar" corrupting a variety of people and ruining their lives. The stand-out piece to me is the trial of Captain Sterrn. It features a number of very family-unfriendly themes, so don't watch this with the kiddies. A couple of the sub-stories are snoozers to me, but they're overshadowed by the good ones.
7		The Iron Giant I love the animation, voice acting, and sound effects in this one. It's family friendly, tells a decent story (even for adults), and is fun to watch. What more do you need to know?
8		One Crazy Summer This isn't really an animated film, but animation plays a fairly large role in it, so I'm listing it here. My favorite part of this film is the animation attributed to John Cusack's character, especially the stories it tells of the lonely guy who gets revenge on the "cute and fuzzy bunnies" who are ruining his life, a parallel for his character getting shafted by the cool and popular people around him. It features performances by Eugene Levy, Demi Moore, Bobcat Goldthwait, and a variety of others you'll recognize. Probably not family friendly if you have anyone in your family under the age of 16, but probably OK otherwise.
9		Titan A.E. This film tells a story of Earth's distant future (the "A.E." stands for "after Earth") when mankind has become a third-rate power in the universe, with aliens hunting down and killing humans where they can find them. In typical Hollywood fashion, one unlikely hero changes all that, and this is his story.
10		Wizards This Ralph Bakshi film is a classic. The storyline is nothing especially exciting. A wizard named Blackwolfe is looking to take over the post-nuclear holocaust world. His brother, a good wizard named Avatar, wants to stop him. Along the way, Avatar encounters various groups that want to help or hinder them in their quest. The movie features some very unique animation techniques, great voice performances, good music, and memorable dialogue. Although it's tenth in this list (arranged roughly alphabetically), it's my favorite film of this entire lot.

15 Must-See Less-Known Comedy Movies

By Michael Salsbury on December 30, 2005 12:00 AM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

Next to science fiction, comedy movies are probably my favorite. This list includes 10 comedy films you might never have seen, but which you'll probably enjoy if you get the chance to see them:

1		Airplane! If you haven't seen this one, go rent it at your next opportunity. It's silly, and some of the jokes are "groaners", but overall I think it's one of the funniest movies of all time. It's a take-off on all the old airport disaster films of the 1960s and 1970s, though it's not really necessary to have seen those movies to enjoy it. It's probably the start of Leslie Nielsen's rise to comedic stardom. Most of this movie could be shown to the family, but there are sexual situations and some nudity which would make it inappropriate for many familes.
2		Army of Darkness Starring the amazing Bruce Campbell, this movie pokes fun at the horror genre. Campbell's character is a bit of a blowhard, who works in an "S-Mart" store. He winds up being whisked back in time to save the world from an unspeakable evil, though he ignores this "destiny" and just wants to get back home. It features some neat stop-motion animation like the old Ray Harryhausen stuff. It has a good sense of humor and a decent amount of action. If you aren't (very) easily scared, don't mind some inappropriate language (though there's not much of it), and violence, you could probably watch this with the (teenage) kids.
3		Big Trouble in Little China This movie stars Kurt Russell as a truck driver who winds up in the middle of a "good versus evil" battle in Chinatown. Much like Campbell's character in Army of Darkness, Russell's character pretty much just wants to get his truck back (after it's stolen from him) and get on with his life. He winds up playing a key part in a battle to keep an ancient Chinese evil spirit from gaining tremendous power in the world. Although he talks like he won the battle single-handedly, usually Russell's character is the first one to become unconscious in the fight, waking up just in time to take credit for winning. It features a young Kim Cattrall playing a lawyer who falls for Russell's character but can't quite get his attention. This one is probably safe for the family, if you don't mind some violence, kissing, and a bit of innuendo.
4		Bubba Ho-Tep Another Bruce Campbell vehicle. In this one, Campbell plays an elderly man in a nursing home in Texas who claims to be Elvis Presley. (His story is that he switched places with an Elvis impersonator to get away from the publicity and crowds, but accidentally lost all his paperwork in a trailer fire he caused.) Campbell's buddy is an aging African-American gentleman who thinks that he's JFK, who has been "dyed black" and left in the nursing home to rot. This unlikely duo discovers than an ancient Egyptian mummy is feeding on the souls of the weak, elderly people in the nursing home to sustain itself. They vow to stop it. There aren't many laugh-out-loud funny moments in this one, but you'll find yourself chuckling about it for days afterward. This is definitely not a family friendly film and does get a bit frightening in parts.
5		Dirty Rotten Scoundrels This excellent movie stars Steve Martin and Michael Caine as very different con-men. Each takes advantage of the rich women he meets. Martin's character is unsophisticated, conning women out of a few dollars here or there, borrowing their cars, getting free meals, etc. Caine's character cons very wealthy women out of vast amounts of money, claiming to need it to fund freedom fighters in his home country and the like. The two meet on a train and soon Martin's character is begging Caine's character for lessons in how to conduct large-scale cons. The ending is a bit of a surprise, which I won't spoil here. This one is almost family friendly except for some "near sex scenes" in certain parts.
6		Elvira's Haunted Hills If you enjoy "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark" when she hosts horror films on television or appears in commercials, you'll appreciate her here. This film pokes fun at the old Vincent Price style horror films of the late 1960s and 1970s, and does a fantastic job of it. There are lots of cool little tributes to old horror movies, plenty of campy humor about Elvira's... uh... biggest assets, and lots of amusing gags throughout. It's not a big laugh-out-loud movie either, but it's fun nevertheless. This could probably be watched with the family, though there is some sexual content that might not be appropriate for kids.
7		Groundhog Day This one, starring Bill Murray and Andie McDowell, tells the story of a self-absorbed weatherman required to report on the events of Groundhog Day - much against his wishes and protests. Unfortunately for him, he finds that he keeps living Groundhog Day over and over and over again. At first, he rebels, doing silly and sometimes terrible things to people because he knows it'll all go back to normal in the morning. Later, he stops thinking of himself and things begin to turn around for him. Lots of great gags and laugh-out-loud moments here. This one could probably be watched with your family.
8		Hudson Hawk Bruce Willis stars as The Hudson Hawk, a cat burglar who is released from prison and vows to go straight. Unfortunately for him, various forces want him to go right back to his old occupation. They make it clear that he's going to commit certain thefts "or else". Before it's over, Hawk finds himself traveling the world stealing Leonardo DaVinci artifacts. It features Sandra Bernhard in the role she was probably born to play, that of a not-so-bright, slightly incestuous, mega-rich psychopath. My personal favorite part of this movie is all the singing Bruce Willis does while he's committing his burglaries... Most of this could be watched with the family, but there are some off-color moments and inappropriate language in places that you might want to avoid if there are young children in your household.
9		Johnny Dangerously As I recall, this one got some horrible reviews when it first hit the theaters decades ago. In my opinion, however, it's an underrated gem. Joe Piscopo's lines about a gun that "shoots through schools" and "my mother hung me on a hook once.... ONCE!" are funny (especially how they're delivered), Michael Keaton's loving reminiscences of gang shootouts, and the car chase where they keep changing its appearance by pulling off different layers of shelf paper are a campy treat. It's all great stuff, jokes I've never seen used in a movie other than this one. This one can probably be watched with the whole family, except perhaps for small children.
10		My Blue Heaven This Steve Martin and Rick Moranis film is another underrated gem. Martin plays a former gangster who has gone "state's evidence" in an organized crime trial and entered the witness relocation program. He finds himself in a very picturesque, low-crime suburban neighborhood where he's bored stiff. Being unable to fathom how to make a living any other way, he returns to crime, aided by a number of fellow gangsters-turned-witnesses in the same neighborhood. All this makes life tough for Moranis' character, who is the FBI agent assigned to the case. This one you can probably watch with the whole family.
11		National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1 If you ever enjoyed any of the Mel Gibson / Danny Glover "Lethal Weapon" films (or films like them), you'll appreciate this one. William Shatner puts in an amusing performance near the end.
12		Top Secret! Val Kilmer takes the lead in this comedy send-up of World War II movies and Elvis Presley films. It has some of the best gags I've seen, from the cow wearing boots to the ceramic guard falling from a tower, it's a riot. The song parodies are dead-on for the old Elvis Presley film songs. The comedy is a mix of sight gags, puns, parodies, slapstick, and about every other trick you can name. If you can't laugh out loud at least once while watching this film, check your pulse... you might be dead. This one is mostly family-friendly but there are some sexual jokes that definitely are NOT suitable for anyone under 16 or so.
13		What About Bob? Starring Richard Dreyfus as a psychiatrist and Bill Murray as a severely neurotic patient, this movie is another gem. Murray's "Bob" character very quickly begins driving Dreyfus' character insane, causing him to try to kill Bob in the end. Dreyfus' character's family can't see any problem with Bob, aside from him being a little odd, and doesn't understand why Dreyfus hates him. The performances by Murray and Dreyfus are excellent. This is one you can probably watch with the whole family.
14		Womanwizard Strictly speaking, this isn't a movie that was ever in theaters. It's really a stand-up comedy routine by British actor Robert Llewelyn of "Red Dwarf" fame. In it, Llewelyn pitches an imaginary software product called "Womanwizard" which purports to help men improve relationships with their loved ones by giving them a simulated version of their real-life partner to try things out on. The only way you can get this disc is to order it from the actor's web site (or perhaps get lucky and find one on eBay or something), but if it's like mine it will come hand-signed by Llewelyn himself. This isn't a family friendly film, though. It would probably be rated "R" if it went into a theater, though most of it is more PG or PG-13 aside from some occasional language.
15		Wrongfully Accused A Leslie Nielsen vehicle that has him in the role of a "wrongfully accused" fugitive trying to clear his name while staying one step ahead of the law. I enjoy this movie quite a bit. Nielsen plays his usual half-idiot, half-klutz character and delivers a pretty steady stream of laughs - some small, some not so small. You'll get more out of this if you watch Harrison Ford's "The Fugitive" before you see it, but you'll still enjoy it if you haven't seen The Fugitive.

10 Must-See Sci-Fi Movies

By Michael Salsbury on December 29, 2005 10:20 AM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

Following are 10 somewhat-obscure science fiction movies I recommend catching if you get the opportunity, along with my reasons why they're on the list:

1		12 Monkeys This movie is a little hard to follow because it does a lot of time-traveling between the past, present, and future. Still, it's incredibly interesting the first time you watch it because you can't tell if Bruce Willis' character is really a time traveler, or if he's delusional, or dangerous, or what.
2		The Andromeda Strain This movie, filmed back in the 1970's, holds up well even today. It tells the story of a deep space probe that brings back more than just information about a distant galaxy. It brings back a microbe that threatens to destroy the Earth in very short order. It's intense at times, even frightening, and shows you just how quickly something as small as a microbe could destroy the world.
3		Bicentennial Man Not widely praised by critics, this movie tells the story of an android who wants to become human. Along the way, he ends up doing a great deal of good for mankind. Starring Robin Williams, it manages to be both funny and touching.
4		The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension A sci-fi movie from back in the 1980's starring Peter Weller, John Lithgow, Christopher Lloyd, Jeff Goldblum, and a variety of others. It starts on the supposition that Orson Welles' famous "War of the Worlds" broadcast really WAS about an alien invasion. It's very campy, with a fair amount of tongue-in-cheek humor, and features John Lithgow doing an Italian accent.
5		A Clockwork Orange If you can't stand violent films that depict some of the most despicable crimes on the books, like rape and murder, stay away from this film. You will definitely not be able to stomach it. It tells the story of a bunch of futuristic street thugs who steal, rape, rob, and murder their way through life, until one of them is arrested. This film's main purpose in my personal video library is one of catharsis. If I really feel angry and want to hurt someone or something, this film is so much more violent destructive than my own worst fantasies that it shocks me back to normal.
6		Death Race 2000 Filmed in the 1970's, this film depicts a future in which the government's solution to population control is to sponsor a cross-country road race in which participants get points for running over pedestrians with their souped-up cars. It's interesting because of its very campy and over-the-top nature, cheesy acting, and especially for the scene in which Sylvester Stallone gets his butt kicked.
7		Forbidden Planet This 1950's era sci-fi film tells the story of an alien race whose technology grew to such great levels that they'd built a machine that could create any desired object merely by reading the thought waves of the person using it. Yet, somehow, their entire race was wiped out almost immediately afterward. One of my favorite parts of this film is the robot "Robby" who makes an appearance in many sci-fi TV shows and movies in the years following this movie's completion.
8		The Ice Pirates Starring Robert Urich, this 1980's sci-fi comedy tells the story of a future in which water has become so rare that it's the ultimate valuable. Shipped around the galaxy as ice, pirates like Urich's crew attempt to steal it to make a profit. It features some of the most interesting and entertaining "robot action" I've seen outside of "Battlebots" and "Robot Wars".
9		Titan A.E. This animated feature is set in a future period "After Earth". Aliens who feel threatened by humans attempt to exterminate them all. The few who survive live in exile, like criminals. It's got a good soundtrack, nice animation, and a decent (though not fantastic) story.
10		TRON This was something of a pioneering film for Disney when they did it. It's set in cyberspace, where a programmer finds himself living inside the computer as a program, in a system controlled by an "evil" Master Control Program. It stars Bruce Boxleitner of Babylon 5 fame, and features some very neat special effects for its time (though pretty poor by today's standards).

Review: Serenity

By Michael Salsbury on October 2, 2005 10:45 PM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

I can't say that I'm one of the legions of Joss Whedon fans. I watched a couple of episodes of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" in the past and while I found it OK, I can't say that it really did anything for me. I've also watched several episodes of "Firefly", since my brother is a huge fan of the show and is convinced that it's one of the finest sci-fi series ever to air. While it's certainly a lot better than Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, immensely better than Voyager, and better than all but the last couple of seasons of Enterprise, it's no Babylon 5, Blake's 7, or Star Trek the original series. THOSE, in my opinion, were the finest sci-fi series on television. I approached the Serenity movie with the expectation that it would be better than some sci-fi films and not as good as others. I wasn't disappointed.

Continue reading Review: Serenity.

Review: Shaolin Soccer

By Michael Salsbury on September 24, 2005 9:00 PM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

I recently watched and reviewed Kung-Fu Hustle from Steven Chow. A friend informed me that Chow had also directed and starred in "Shaolin Soccer". Since Kung Fu Hustle was such an incredible movie, I had Netflix ship Shaolin Soccer right away. I've watched it 3-4 times now.

Shaolin Soccer focuses on "Mighty Steel Leg Sing", a Kung Fu master who is trying hard to increase the popularity of Kung Fu by applying it to everyday tasks that have nothing to do with fighting or martial arts. He explains that it could improve a soccer player's kick, prevent someone from falling when slipping on a banana peel, make trimming shrubs faster, etc. He's not having any luck selling anyone on the idea, or selling them his Kung Fu lessons, so he's basically broke.

Sing meets "Golden Leg Fung", a former soccer star who threw a critical game in 1983 and was brutalized by fans. Their attack left him unable to play and barely able to walk. Sing tries unsuccessfully to convince Fung to take Kung Fu lessons from him. Drunk and offended by one of Sing's comments, Fung throws his beer can at Sing. Sing kicks the can what appears to be several blocks away. Fung is at first impressed by this, then brushes it off as a cheap trick.

Sing continues on his way until he meets Mui, a baker who is famous for sweet steamed buns. Sing is impressed that Mui uses Kung Fu techniques to make her buns.

This is exactly the sort of thing he's been trying to convince people to try (mixing Kung Fu with ordinary tasks). He sings a song to Mui to show his admiration. After a while, Sing and several others on the street break into a dance number for no readily apparent reason.

Sing ends up eating more of the girl's sweet buns than he can afford to pay for, so he offers her his shoes as payment. She doesn't accept them, but he leaves them anyway. The shopkeeper Mui works for tells her to throw the shoes out, but she doesn't.

After his musical number on the street, Sing comes to the conclusion that what he needs to do to sell Kung Fu lessons is to do it with song. When one of his Kung Fu "brothers" needs to hire entertainment for a night club, the two of them perform a song and dance number in the club that ends in violence being done on them.

A while later, Golden Leg Fung has stumbled on the can that Sing kicked away earlier. The can is embedded deeply into a brick wall.

Needless to say, the power of such a kick impresses Fung. He removes the can from the wall only to see the wall crumble. On the other side is Sing, who's using a soccer ball to defeat a number of hoodlums who are threatening him.

Fung and Sing realize that by combining Kung Fu and soccer they could field a winning team, one that would challenge Fung's former boss (and the guy who convinced him to throw the game that ruined his career), Coach Hung of "Team Evil".

Before Sing can play soccer, though, he needs shoes. He left his with Mui at the sweet bun shop. He goes back to ask for them, and she eventually tosses them back, showing him that she's repaired them to make them better for him. I'm sure he was thrilled to see the "Hello Kitty" style patches she put on them.

Sing and Fung try to convince Sing's former Kung Fu brothers to join them in forming a soccer team that uses Kung Fu skills to help them win. While the brothers initially refuse the offer, they each decide their life isn't going so well and that the soccer team represents a chance to make things better.

The "Brothers" in the past

The brothers now

After teaching the brothers to play soccer and control their powers, Golden Leg Fung sets up a game between the Shaolin team and "Team Gangster" (a soccer team known for cheating and playing dirty). Team Gangster mops the floor with Team Shaolin for most of the game, until each of the brothers' Kung Fu power comes back to him. The situation is so bad that Sing hallucinates that he's fighting in a war.

They are then able to beat Team Gangster very easily. Team Gangster begs to join Team Shaolin and the team is complete.

Fung and the team go to register in the soccer tournament but run into opposition from the registration staff. The registration staff call in Coach Hung, who is also the commissioner of the league. At first concerned that Golden Leg Fung has put together a potential winning team, Hung asks to see them. Once he's had a look at them, he laughs and says that not only will he let them play, he'll even pay their entry fee.

The team waiting to register for the tournament

What Coach Hung thinks of Team Shaolin...

We learn that Coach Hung is using some very unorthodox methods for training his team, which apparently includes playing underwater soccer against stainless steel refrigerators...

Because Mui helped Sing get to the tournament by returning the sneakers he needed to wear in order to play, he tries to help her, too. He takes her to a fancy department store and shows her the beautiful dresses there, telling her that when he wins the tournament he'll buy her anything she wants. She tells him she only wants a new pair of sneakers. He does his best to convince her that she's beautiful and tells her she needs to get the hair out of her eyes. She appears amazed that he can see her beauty through the very unsightly skin condition she has.

Mui, apparently smitten with Sing at this point, goes to "Manny's" beauty salon to get a makeover. This, I assume, is Manny (who is named quite appropriately):

After getting the "Manny treatment", Mui shows up to see Sing in her new makeup and purple dress.

Mui shows up looking like Connie Chung as a drag queen...

Amazingly, Sing doesn't seem to notice that Mui now looks like a drag queen impersonator. They talk for a bit and when she asks Sing if he's in love with her, he asks her if she's crazy (as any woman would tell you, this is exactly the wrong response). Her heart is broken.

Team Shaolin goes on to win its way through the tournament. Apparently, so does Team Evil. The final match, of course, is between Team Evil and Team Shaolin. Apparently Coach Hung has added a special element to his training, described as "American drugs".

Team Evil, hopped up on illegal drugs, is more than a match for Team Shaolin. The Shaolin players find themselves defending against flaming soccer balls and being knocked down so hard they end up embedded in the field.

Ouch! That's gotta hurt...

Needless to say, the greenskeeper is going to be ticked off...

When they break for half-time, the Team Gangster members of Shaolin make a break for it. They've seen teammates being hauled away on stretchers and they definitely don't want to go through that.

Team Shaolin has just enough players left to continue the game. If they lose one more, they forfeit and Team Evil wins.

Summoning up their courage, Team Shaolin tries some of the toughest Kung Fu tricks, like the "Shaolin Barricade" pictured below:

Didn't I see this move in "Bring it On"?
(Well, OK, if I'd WATCHED "Bring it On" would I have seen it?)

This is not enough to stop the Team Evil players, who end up hospitalizing another of the Team Shaolin players. Just as it looks like they're about to forfeit, Mui steps on to the field to join them.

Ever the sensitive one, Sing tries to talk Mui out of it. He also comments on her newly shaved head, telling her she looks like E.T. and should phone home.

Way to win a girl's heart there, Sing...

Mui stays and puts her own Kung Fu skills into the mix, defending the Shaolin Goal.

After successfully defending the goal, she shows everyone that she once played for the Harlem Globetrotters...

At an appropriate point, she flashes a smile at Sing and they fall immediately in love. (Ain't that Hollywood somethin'?) They work together to produce one final kick that is so powerful it knocks the Team Evil goalie's clothes off, then puts him, the ball, and most of Team Evil through the goal, just in time to win the game.

Team Shaolin celebrates their victory.

This must be the lightest trophy in history.

Sing and Mui go on to become a worldwide Kung Fu sensation, apparently winning multiple bowling tournaments in the U.S. as well, and getting on the cover of TIME magazine (Why not Sports Illustrated? Beats me.)

As with Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer provides an excellent mix of action, comedy, and special effects. While the actors and actresses seem to take their work pretty seriously, the movie itself doesn't try to be a serious martial arts movie, in much the same way that Jackie Chan movies aren't especially serious movies.

The plot in Shaolin Soccer is more clearly developed than that of Kung Fu Hustle. The story line stays focused, and the effects help to keep it all interesting and fun.

All things considered, it's a great movie. I'm not sure I like it quite as much as Kung Fu Hustle, which I gave an 8.5 out of 10, but I like it a lot. I've decided to give it an 8 out of 10.

Continue reading Review: Shaolin Soccer.

Review: Man with the Screaming Brain

By Michael Salsbury on September 17, 2005 10:23 PM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

Chances are if you're reading this soon after its publication (September 17, 2005) there is a good chance you'll be able to catch Bruce Campbell's "Man with the Screaming Brain" on the Sci-Fi Channel. They've been running it pretty regularly. If you're familiar with Bruce Campbell's other work, in movies like Army of Darkness, Bubba Ho-Tep, Terminal Invasion, Alien Apocalypse, and the like, you pretty much know what to expect from this movie.

If you're not familiar with Bruce Campbell (shame on you!), I'll try to give you an idea. Bruce is known for being the star of "B-movies". His characters are usually blowhards whose egos are bigger than their abilities can support. As a result, you should rarely take his characters, his movies, or even some occasional over-acting as anything other than humorous. Bruce knows he's doing some very silly, very campy, very funny stuff. That's kind of the point. So it is with "Man with the Screaming Brain".

Warning: From this point on I'm going to be spoiling virtually the entire plot of this movie, though I'm intentionally leaving out a few of the funnier and interesting bits so that you'll have a reason to watch the movie when you get the chance.

Continue reading Review: Man with the Screaming Brain.

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