Note: The following piece is intended for entertainment and humor only. It's based on my real-world observations and as such is probably biased and inaccurate, so take it with a large grain of salt and don't hate me for it, OK?

By nature, I'm a people watcher. I can't help it. And being a human, I have a need to categorize the people and behaviors I see. This combination leads me to have certain theories about certain groups of people. I call them theories because there's no scientific basis for my claim, other than my own observations, which are probably biased. They're more like "certain behaviors I tend to correlate to certain observations". Since I spend a fair amount of time in the car, many of my theories are based on the kind of cars the person drives, or characteristics of the cars. My "Automotive Theory #1" is that certain makes of vehicles tend to be driven by people who exhibit certain poor driving habits.

Take the Buick, for example. I've observed that when I see a vehicle make a lane change without regard to where other cars are, or drift too far out of its lane, or otherwise behave like the driver is unaware there's anyone else on the road, the car tends to be made by Buick. In a nutshell, I say that (generally) Buicks are driven by people who forget they're not the only ones on the road. Is this because the typical Buick driver seems to be over the age of 50? Maybe. But when I see a driver behaving cluelessly, I'll usually find them behind the wheel of a Buick.

Then there's the Honda driver. When I see a car darting back and forth between lanes to jockey for position, making lane changes with very little room to spare, going faster in cross-town traffic than is probably reasonable, honking the horn, and generally behaving as though they own the road and can't get where they're going fast enough, that car tends to be a Honda, usually an Accord or Civic. When I see what is overly aggressive driving behavior, it's usually a Honda driver doing it. Whereas the Buick driver behaves as though there's no one else on the road with them, the Honda driver behaves as though all other cars are the enemy and should get the heck out of their way. It's as though they think they own the road.

The Infiniti driver wants to be the first one in the line, the first one to the intersection, etc. I've actually had Infiniti drivers go off the road surface on the right-hand side to pass me, only to make a right-hand turn at the next intersection. And no, I was going plenty fast enough at the time. My assumption here is that the Infiniti driver seems to think that because they've paid extra for a fancier car, they should be at the head of the line.

Nissan drivers seem to think they're in sports cars, even if they're driving a 4-door pickup truck. I usually find that someone driving 50 in a 35 tends to be a Nissan Altima driver. Unlike the Honda drivers, who tend to be jockeying for position and fighting everyone else to get where they're going, the Nissan driver seems to be trying to prove they're faster than everyone else. Perhaps they've bought into Nissan's ad campaigns so deeply that the thought of another car being faster just isn't acceptable.

If I'm at an intersection and another driver goes "out of turn" or darts into the intersection as though they feel they always have the right of way, I often find that driver to be behind the wheel of a Mercedes. Maybe they think the big bucks they spent on their car entitles them to go first at every Stop sign? Maybe they feel they're better than the rest of us, I don't know. Compared to the Infiniti and Nissan drivers, I generally don't see Mercedes drivers behaving recklessly or driving too fast for conditions. Compared to Buick drivers, they stay in their lanes and generally seem to drive safely and with respect for other drivers. Compared to Honda drivers, they don't seem to be impatient, except maybe at intersections. But at intersections, if someone jumps the gun, it's often going to be a Mercedes - or a Honda in a hurry.

Being a Ford Mustang driver, I really don't like to disparage my own kind, but I have to. While many Mustang drivers behave reasonably, many others just don't. I've seen my fellow Mustang drivers squealing tires in a 25 mph zone, pulling out in front of someone when there's nothing for half-mile behind them, and engaging in other behaviors that seem to scream out "Notice me!" They don't seem to have the need to be out in front that Infiniti drivers do. They do share some of the Nissan drivers' need to go fast, but I see it more from Nissans than Mustangs, oddly. They sometimes behave aggressively like Honda drivers, though that's not as common in my experience. But their behavior does seem to imply a desire to be noticed.

There you have it. I haven't really observed any other close relationships between car makes and models and the drivers' behavior. If I do, I'll come back and add them. And as I said above, I'm not saying that all Honda drivers are impatient lunatics. But I am saying that when I see a driver behaving like an impatient lunatic, there's a very high likelihood that the car will be a Honda. As you're driving around town, pay attention to your fellow motorists. Perhaps you'll see the same things I do.