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This rant begins with a confession. Lately, I can't get the Paul Simon song "You Can Call Me Al" out of my head.
That really upsets me.
Why? Because I really hate Paul Simon, Art Garfunkel, and the "Simon & Garfunkel" duo. I don't think either is especially talented and they are only slightly better together than alone. I've seen Art Garfunkel live, under some protest, and continue to hold this view. I doubt that seeing Paul Simon live would change my opinion of him, either.
If you are fan of Paul Simon's work, you probably can't understand why I think he's no better than average, and perhaps even sub-par. So let me lay some of it out for you.
Some hail Paul Simon as a poet. I don't see it. For me, poetry conveys a message, a meaning, an image, or a feeling. Simon's lyrics don't do that. Take the song that's been driving me insane for the last several days, mentioned above. The lyrics include the lines:
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says Amen! and Hallelujah!
Let's look at those lyrics a bit. What do they mean, exactly? A man is walking around, looking around, and sees spinning angels "in the architecture" (whatever that means) and this causes him to speak religious phrases. In case I was missing something, I ran "angels in the architecture" through Google to see what else came up besides this insipid song. One reference is to a religious book on living a good Christian life. Another reference is to a ballet of that name. That might explain the "spinning in infinity" phrase, but wouldn't justify shouting "Amen!" unless the guy's a ballet fan... and let's face it, most men could care less about the ballet. There is only one other reference, and that's to a book which contains a photographic study of a former mental asylum. Perhaps these lyrics are Simon's subtle way of telling us he's nuts? I find no meaning here and very little poetry here. To quote Londo Mollari of the Babylon 5 television series "It doesn't mean anything. I have been studying it for seven days. I had the computer analyze it. I swear to you, it does not mean A THING!" Londo was talking about "The Hokey Pokey Song" but it applies equally well here, a catchy song with lyrics that mean nothing.
Throughout the song we have a simple refrain that begins with these words:
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al
This is another bit of melodically catchy nonsense. People who work as bodyguards generally don't (and don't want to) see their clients as "long-lost pals". Even if they did, let's examine this offer a little more closely. If I let you call me Betty and guard you with my life, in exchange you'll be my friend and let me call you Al. This is a great deal, isn't it? Makes you want to sign up at once! You'll be my buddy and I'll get beaten, injured, and maybe killed for you. Oooh! Thanks, Paul. As I said, more nonsense.
Compare this to the Beatles "Norwegian Wood" song, which has a poetic sound to the lyrics and (aside from the title phrase itself) actually tells a little story:
I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me...
She showed me her room, isn't it good, Norwegian wood?
She asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere,
So I looked around and I noticed there wasn't a chair.
I sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking her wine.
We talked until two and then she said, "It's time for bed"
She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh.
I told her I didn't and crawled off to sleep in the bath
And when I awoke, I was alone, this bird had flown
So I lit a fire, isn't it good, Norwegian wood?
No nonsense in here about angels spinning in the architecture. No goofy propositions about risking your life in exchange for friendship. Just the simple story of a man meeting a girl, spending a night with her, and waking up alone. The imagery comes through loud and clear with no need to do Google searches to sort it out.
Even the tongue-in-cheek "Girlfriend in a Coma" song by The Smiths is more poetic and sense-making than the crap from Paul Simon:
Girlfriend in a coma, I know
I know - it's serious
Girlfriend in a coma, I know
I know - it's really serious
There were times when I could
Have "murdered" her
(But you know, I would hate
Anything to happen to her)
NO, I DON'T WANT TO SEE HER
Do you really think
She'll pull through ?
Do you really think
She'll pull through ?
Do ...
Girlfriend in a coma, I know
I know - it's serious
My, my, my, my, my, my baby, goodbye
There were times when I could
Have "strangled" her
(But you know, I would hate
Anything to happen to her)
WOULD YOU PLEASE
LET ME SEE HER !
Do you really think
She'll pull through ?
Do you really think
She'll pull through ?
Do ...
Let me whisper my last goodbyes
I know - IT'S SERIOUS
I'm hoping I can that annoying song out of my head soon, because aside from the fact that it's got a catchy tune, I really, really can't stand it.
Some time I'll tell you what I think of Paul McCartney's solo work. (Hint: I classify him only about a notch above Paul Simon, even though I love The Beatles.)
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