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Written by Michael Salsbury
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Saturday, 24 September 2005 |
I recently watched and reviewed Kung-Fu Hustle from Steven Chow. A friend informed me that Chow had also directed and starred in "Shaolin Soccer". Since Kung Fu Hustle was such an incredible movie, I had Netflix ship Shaolin Soccer right away. I've watched it 3-4 times now.
Shaolin Soccer focuses on "Mighty Steel Leg Sing", a Kung Fu master who is trying hard to increase the popularity of Kung Fu by applying it to everyday tasks that have nothing to do with fighting or martial arts. He explains that it could improve a soccer player's kick, prevent someone from falling when slipping on a banana peel, make trimming shrubs faster, etc. He's not having any luck selling anyone on the idea, or selling them his Kung Fu lessons, so he's basically broke.
Sing meets "Golden Leg Fung", a former soccer star who threw a critical game in 1983 and was brutalized by fans. Their attack left him unable to play and barely able to walk. Sing tries unsuccessfully to convince Fung to take Kung Fu lessons from him. Drunk and offended by one of Sing's comments, Fung throws his beer can at Sing. Sing kicks the can what appears to be several blocks away. Fung is at first impressed by this, then brushes it off as a cheap trick.
Sing continues on his way until he meets Mui, a baker who is famous for sweet steamed buns. Sing is impressed that Mui uses Kung Fu techniques to make her buns.
This is exactly the sort of thing he's been trying to convince people to try (mixing Kung Fu with ordinary tasks). He sings a song to Mui to show his admiration. After a while, Sing and several others on the street break into a dance number for no readily apparent reason.
Sing ends up eating more of the girl's sweet buns than he can afford to pay for, so he offers her his shoes as payment. She doesn't accept them, but he leaves them anyway. The shopkeeper Mui works for tells her to throw the shoes out, but she doesn't.
After his musical number on the street, Sing comes to the conclusion that what he needs to do to sell Kung Fu lessons is to do it with song. When one of his Kung Fu "brothers" needs to hire entertainment for a night club, the two of them perform a song and dance number in the club that ends in violence being done on them.
A while later, Golden Leg Fung has stumbled on the can that Sing kicked away earlier. The can is embedded deeply into a brick wall.
Needless to say, the power of such a kick impresses Fung. He removes the can from the wall only to see the wall crumble. On the other side is Sing, who's using a soccer ball to defeat a number of hoodlums who are threatening him.
Fung and Sing realize that by combining Kung Fu and soccer they could field a winning team, one that would challenge Fung's former boss (and the guy who convinced him to throw the game that ruined his career), Coach Hung of "Team Evil".
Before Sing can play soccer, though, he needs shoes. He left his with Mui at the sweet bun shop. He goes back to ask for them, and she eventually tosses them back, showing him that she's repaired them to make them better for him. I'm sure he was thrilled to see the "Hello Kitty" style patches she put on them.
Sing and Fung try to convince Sing's former Kung Fu brothers to join them in forming a soccer team that uses Kung Fu skills to help them win. While the brothers initially refuse the offer, they each decide their life isn't going so well and that the soccer team represents a chance to make things better.
 The "Brothers" in the past The brothers now
After teaching the brothers to play soccer and control their powers, Golden Leg Fung sets up a game between the Shaolin team and "Team Gangster" (a soccer team known for cheating and playing dirty). Team Gangster mops the floor with Team Shaolin for most of the game, until each of the brothers' Kung Fu power comes back to him. The situation is so bad that Sing hallucinates that he's fighting in a war.
They are then able to beat Team Gangster very easily. Team Gangster begs to join Team Shaolin and the team is complete.
Fung and the team go to register in the soccer tournament but run into opposition from the registration staff. The registration staff call in Coach Hung, who is also the commissioner of the league. At first concerned that Golden Leg Fung has put together a potential winning team, Hung asks to see them. Once he's had a look at them, he laughs and says that not only will he let them play, he'll even pay their entry fee.
 The team waiting to register for the tournament What Coach Hung thinks of Team Shaolin...
We learn that Coach Hung is using some very unorthodox methods for training his team, which apparently includes playing underwater soccer against stainless steel refrigerators...
Because Mui helped Sing get to the tournament by returning the sneakers he needed to wear in order to play, he tries to help her, too. He takes her to a fancy department store and shows her the beautiful dresses there, telling her that when he wins the tournament he'll buy her anything she wants. She tells him she only wants a new pair of sneakers. He does his best to convince her that she's beautiful and tells her she needs to get the hair out of her eyes. She appears amazed that he can see her beauty through the very unsightly skin condition she has.
Mui, apparently smitten with Sing at this point, goes to "Manny's" beauty salon to get a makeover. This, I assume, is Manny (who is named quite appropriately):
After getting the "Manny treatment", Mui shows up to see Sing in her new makeup and purple dress.
 Mui shows up looking like Connie Chung as a drag queen...
Amazingly, Sing doesn't seem to notice that Mui now looks like a drag queen impersonator. They talk for a bit and when she asks Sing if he's in love with her, he asks her if she's crazy (as any woman would tell you, this is exactly the wrong response). Her heart is broken.
Team Shaolin goes on to win its way through the tournament. Apparently, so does Team Evil. The final match, of course, is between Team Evil and Team Shaolin. Apparently Coach Hung has added a special element to his training, described as "American drugs".
Team Evil, hopped up on illegal drugs, is more than a match for Team Shaolin. The Shaolin players find themselves defending against flaming soccer balls and being knocked down so hard they end up embedded in the field.
 Ouch! That's gotta hurt... Needless to say, the greenskeeper is going to be ticked off...
When they break for half-time, the Team Gangster members of Shaolin make a break for it. They've seen teammates being hauled away on stretchers and they definitely don't want to go through that.
Team Shaolin has just enough players left to continue the game. If they lose one more, they forfeit and Team Evil wins.
Summoning up their courage, Team Shaolin tries some of the toughest Kung Fu tricks, like the "Shaolin Barricade" pictured below:
 Didn't I see this move in "Bring it On"?
(Well, OK, if I'd WATCHED "Bring it On" would I have seen it?)
This is not enough to stop the Team Evil players, who end up hospitalizing another of the Team Shaolin players. Just as it looks like they're about to forfeit, Mui steps on to the field to join them.
Ever the sensitive one, Sing tries to talk Mui out of it. He also comments on her newly shaved head, telling her she looks like E.T. and should phone home.
 Way to win a girl's heart there, Sing...
Mui stays and puts her own Kung Fu skills into the mix, defending the Shaolin Goal.
After successfully defending the goal, she shows everyone that she once played for the Harlem Globetrotters...
At an appropriate point, she flashes a smile at Sing and they fall immediately in love. (Ain't that Hollywood somethin'?) They work together to produce one final kick that is so powerful it knocks the Team Evil goalie's clothes off, then puts him, the ball, and most of Team Evil through the goal, just in time to win the game.
Team Shaolin celebrates their victory.
 This must be the lightest trophy in history.
Sing and Mui go on to become a worldwide Kung Fu sensation, apparently winning multiple bowling tournaments in the U.S. as well, and getting on the cover of TIME magazine (Why not Sports Illustrated? Beats me.)
As with Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer provides an excellent mix of action, comedy, and special effects. While the actors and actresses seem to take their work pretty seriously, the movie itself doesn't try to be a serious martial arts movie, in much the same way that Jackie Chan movies aren't especially serious movies.
The plot in Shaolin Soccer is more clearly developed than that of Kung Fu Hustle. The story line stays focused, and the effects help to keep it all interesting and fun.
All things considered, it's a great movie. I'm not sure I like it quite as much as Kung Fu Hustle, which I gave an 8.5 out of 10, but I like it a lot. I've decided to give it an 8 out of 10.
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Last Updated ( Tuesday, 27 September 2005 )
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