Mike’s Food Rules
August 18th, 2008
Earlier today, they were handing out ice cream at the office. One of my co-workers saw a “raspberry and chocolate” ice cream item and said something like, “Yuck! Raspberry and chocolate don’t belong together.” I agreed instantly, because I can’t stand any dish that mixes fruit and chocolate, or fruit and meat. Before I start sounding like too picky of an eater, you can feed me almost anything if you manage to comply with the following rules:
- No wild animals. I’ve had them slip onto my plate at different times and I’ve never liked any of them. This differs from many of my family members, who enjoy deer, rabbit, goose, duck, pheasant, squirrel, etc.
- Don’t mix my meat with fruit. That means no “apple chicken” or “lemon shrimp”.
- Don’t mix my chocolate with fruit.
- Don’t feed me fish. Can’t stand it. (That includes trout, catfish, perch, cod, etc., but does not include shrimp, scallops, lobster, or crab.)
- Don’t offer me pork, unless it’s bacon, sausage, or ham
- Don’t offer me the entrails of any creature (I’ve even been known to pick off a sausage casing if it bugs me).
- No desserts that include cheese, except for the Indian dessert Rasmalai.
- No raisins in anything. Period. Not breakfast cereals, not cakes or cookies, nothing.
- Salads should not include fruit or croutons, or any fruit flavoring.
That’s pretty much it. I’m willing to try almost any food from any ethnic group on the planet provided it fits in with the above list.